October 9, 2014


Consolidation Day 24: Brotherly (and sisterly) Love

Scarlett has been on a small roller coaster of recovery. She has been on the TPN for 1 week now. Which means it has been 1 week since she has eaten. She started to consider food yesterday so this morning I took the liberty of ordering her breakfast. I told her that she had to eat one piece of pancake before we could go for a walk. She retaliated by puking all over me. No, I don’t think she did on purpose. It just seemed like it. Like “mom, you make me do something I don’t like? I’ll show you!” But throughout the day she did eat a couple of Doritos, a few bites of banana, and a quarter of a string cheese. She actually asked for Doritos this afternoon. And she wanted them so badly that she was willing to stay in her room by herself while I went down to the cafeteria. Luckily, the nurses had a bag at the station. But she WANTED food! A HUGE step in my book!

Her oncologist told me that her bone marrow recovery would be more like a step forward, a step back, two steps forward, one step back…instead of a gradual climb. He was right. Her ANC this week was 0 on Sunday, 25 on Monday, 0 on Tuesday, 16 on Wednesday and 0 today. She is starting to make white blood cells. Her platelet and Hgb levels did not decrease much today so that is positive news. Hopefully tomorrow we will see a little more of a bump in the ANC. It has to be 100 and rising before she can come home. She did tell me a few times today that her legs and arm hurt. This could be good news – that her marrow is expanding and her body is producing more cells. Oh, please, yes! Or it could be that neuropathy side effect of Vincristine. I’m going to choose to believe it is the marrow.

Brock brought Tate and Evie up tonight. Scarlett and I were watching out the window when they arrived. I showed Scarlett where they were as they got out of the car. She waved and waved and then started yelling “be careful Evie! Stay away from the road!” As soon as we couldn’t see them anymore she started panicking and said “I want to go out there! I want to go out there RIGHT NOW!” We quickly put her mask on and took her buddy and waited outside the elevator where she said “I want to go down there!” Then the doors opened and Evie saw Scarlett. She ran over and they were so cute! Scarlett kept saying “hi Evie” and caressing her face and Evie just lay her head on Scarlett’s chest. It was the most beautiful moment! I so wish that I had thought to record it. I hope that it is a moment that I never forget.

Tate told me on the way home that he misses Scarlett. He wants her to come home so badly. He and I walked down to the cafeteria to get dinner. While we were there I told him not to touch everything because we didn’t want to get germs. “Germs make people sick”. He paused for a moment, thinking, and then asked “did I make Scarlett sick?” Ugh. My heart sank. We have kind of been prepared for that question but it still broke my heart to hear it. I had hoped that that question would never cross his mind.

As we went to leave, Scarlett started crying. It is so painful to hear her crying and then listen to her say “stay mommy. Please stay!” I can’t wait until she can come home. I want both of my princesses in their beds at night. I’m tired of looking at the monitor and seeing an empty bed. I hate only having two car seats in my car. I hate that, when I spoke to another mother at school on Wednesday, I had to tell her that I had twins too. I just don’t have them both right now. I miss my husband. We haven’t been in the same house in almost two weeks. I want my family back. I don’t care about anything else. I just want my family of five together again.

One thought on “October 9, 2014

  1. Auntie Pudge

    We love you all, and we are praying for all of you.

    Your entries are so beautifully written and so filled with love, Danielle. I truly admire your strength.

    Scarlett Uncle John and I
    miss you and are anxious to see you soon


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