October 1, 2014

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Consolidation Day 16: Faith

Scarlett spent the day with Daddy today and it seemed like a rough day. Her labs were done at 5am and it showed that her Hgb was down to 6.9 (normal low is 12). Her platelets were down to 15 but her white count was up slightly to 0.5. She received blood today and will get platelets tomorrow. When I arrived, she was sleeping on Brock’s lap and was very sleepy. She had thrown up a short while earlier. Dietary came up to speak with Brock today. They are considering starting TPN tomorrow because she is not eating enough. It will be one less worry for me. I am afraid that she is not drinking enough or eating enough all day. Her nurses don’t care what she eats as long as she is getting calories right now but we still stress the healthy food first. She is so tiny to start with that I hate to see her lose any more weight. She is hovering around the 11kg mark but has lost weight since admission. Tomorrow is another day.

Brock and I chose Evangeline’s name six years ago. But even before that, well before she was born and even before Tate was born, we knew that we wanted our daughter’s middle name to be Faith. I have had many moments of doubt regarding my faith in religion over the years and still haven’t found a religious “home”. But I still have Faith. Faith in what, exactly, I don’t know. It makes for a difficult time right now when my faith and my beliefs waver most. Tonight, as we were leaving the hospital, we asked Brock to wave out the window so we could find Scarlett’s room. Her room just happens to be located directly beneath a giant cross on the top of the hospital. Maybe this is a sign for us. Maybe God is telling us that he has her safely in his hands. That he literally has her covered. We have said over and over that Scarlett’s strength is her best attribute, Tate is learning such great compassion and empathy and Evie Faith is getting us through every day. Maybe it’s more than her smile and her laughter. Maybe her name has a little bit to do with it. Our little bit of (Evie) Faith is pushing us through.

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