Day 13: Innocent questions

I’m not quite sure why or if it’s normal but I really don’t mind people asking me questions about Scarlett. One of my friends told me after losing her daughter that she just likes to hear her name and that others are thinking about her (and I do every day). Maybe it’s the same thing with a sick child. It’s nice to know that someone else is thinking about her at the same time as I am (every minute).

We try to ask Tate on a regular basis if he has questions. At the beginning it was just “So how is Scarlett feeling?” As this week has progressed especially we have noticed a change in his personality. He has been more withdrawn and quiet. He isn’t sleeping very well at night and has started taking naps again. I worry about how this whole process will affect him. So I welcome his questions. Part of me aches for his concern, part of me is proud of his empathy and compassion, and part of me smiles at his wonderful innocence.

We begin by asking him if he has any questions. I try not to prompt him or lead him because I want to really see what his mind is thinking. I can see those little wheels turning and I so want to get in there! Tonight he asked “what does Scarlett do at the doctor?” Well, the doctor gives her a checkup but mostly she gets medicine. A nurse puts medicine in her tubies. “In her tubies?” Yup. That is what they are for. “Can I go with you to the doctor?” Well we have to make sure that you are not sick because there are children that will get very sick if they get a stuffy nose. “Do we get to see the helicopter at the doctor?” Yup. There it is. That’s where his mind has been! But then he goes right back to Scarlett. “When will Scarlett’s hair grow back?” Probably when the flowers start to grow again. Her hair will grow with the flowers.

Tate is starting school in a few weeks. We had parent orientation tonight. It’s been very important to us that Tate is still able to go to school. We were sure to discuss this with his teacher last week and she made a wonderful request to the parents about remembering to keep kids home if they are sick. “For the sake of families, students and teachers”. But it’s most important to me that there is someone watching out for those moments when Tate needs a little reassurance that everything is OK. When he is scared because Mama and Daddy and Scarlett are at the hospital again he has consistency in going to school. When he is scared because Scarlett is sick he has someone else to tell him that it’s not his fault and it isn’t going to happen to him. His and Evie’s childhood is going to be different as much as Scarlett’s. Hopefully we can make it even better than it would have been.

Tomorrow is bone marrow day! We are hoping for zero! Thank you for all the prayers!