August 17, 2014

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Day 9: the “why me”s

I feel like this a natural question that everyone asks when a hardship arises in their life. Unfortunately, Brock and I have been through enough of those in the past 7 years that it’s not the first thing that comes to mind. Yesterday we had our first moment of weakness and asked “why us”?

Seven years ago we were told that we would never have children naturally. We asked “why us” so many times. Eventually you have to stop asking and moping and crying and just get up and do something about it. It took almost two years and four rounds of IVF but we were blessed with our wonderful Tate. When we were told that Tate may have a hearing disability we asked “why us”? Then we got off our butts, had him retested and found out he was fine. When we were told that he had apraxia and he may never speak we couldn’t accept that possibility. He went to speech therapy and, now, we have to tell him to STOP talking! So when we were told about Scarlett’s diagnosis we already knew that sitting around asking “why us” doesn’t do any good. We had to get moving to get anywhere.

We understand that nobody chose us to go through this. God didn’t burden us, science didn’t punish us and this disease is not our fault. Every four minutes a child is diagnosed with a blood cancer. There are so many parents that are walking this journey with us. None of these children did anything wrong or anything to deserve the horrible things that they will endure.

Our tiny Scarlett may ask some day “why did this happen to me?” That is a question that we may never have a good answer to. It is a question that I will spend the rest of my life trying to answer. But I will not give up a moment with any of my children to dwell in that thought. There is too much to do to cry into my pillow and ask “why?”

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